


A Lonely Night

by Magefeathers



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Dyeing your hair as a coping mechanism, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Panic Attacks, Present Tense, Separation Anxiety, Sibling-in-law bonding, but like. written as though it were serious, please take with a grain of salt lol, positive affirmations, post-secret endings, this is.... a little bit of a crack fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 17:52:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16000307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magefeathers/pseuds/Magefeathers
Summary: In the months during his recovery, Saeran develops a bit of separation anxiety that flares up whenever Saeyoung leaves him alone overnight. He learns to cope by sleeping in Saeyoung's bed when he isn't there, which causes some confusion one night when MC sneaks in for a late-night visit, not knowing Saeyoung isn't home.





	A Lonely Night

“I’ll only be gone for a day or two! Three, at most. Make sure you eat while I’m gone - real food, not just ice cream! If anything goes wrong, you can call me. I won’t be able to leave Vanderwood’s place unless it’s an emergency but if you get too lonely, I can send MC over. She’d love to spend time with you! If you want, that is. So you don’t need to miss me too much, okay?”

Saeran sighs as his brother rambles. He spares an exasperated glance at Vanderwood, who’s leaning impatiently against the door frame, one hand on the knob. He’s been ready to leave since the moment he arrived to collect the redhead, but Saeyoung insisted on fussing over Saeran first, just as he always did before he left his twin alone overnight.

“I’ll have him back before you have time to miss him,” Vanderwood says, upon catching Saeran’s gaze.

“Keep him,” Saeran deadpans. Saeyoung squacks, offended.

“Saeraaaaan, don’t be like that~” he whines, his shoulders slumping. Saeran rolls his eyes. Vanderwood chuckles, shakes his head. 

“Thanks, but no.” He turns his attention to Saeyoung and continues, “Now come _on_. We need to get to work.”

Saeyoung sighs, but relents. He throws an arm around Saeran’s shoulders and pulls him tight against his side. Saeran leans into the embrace, but doesn’t return it. He’s come a long way, and the pair are on much better terms now, but showing affection is still something difficult and draining for him. Luckily, Saeyoung seems to understand. He releases Saeran quickly.

“I’m serious, Saeran. Call me if you need to. I can talk and type at the same time.” Saeyoung flashes his brother a wide grin, and Saeran softens just the smallest bit.

“I know,” he admits, then gently shoves Saeyoung toward the door. “But I can’t miss you until you’re gone.”

“Alright, alright,” Saeyoung laughs as he stumbles toward Vanderwood, who opens the door for him. “I’ll see you in a couple days! Be good, don’t have any wild parties.” Saeran rolls his eyes again at his brother’s mock scolding. As he turns to leave, Saeyoung calls, “Love you!” over his shoulder.

Saeran freezes for a moment, unsure how to reply, but he doesn’t have time to worry about it. Saeyoung is already out the door, leaving Saeran alone with Vanderwood.

“Thanks for the help,” says Vanderwood. “I didn’t think I’d be able to get him to leave.”

Saeran huffs out a soft laugh, relaxing. “Don’t mention it,” he replies. “I hope he actually helps with whatever you’re working on.”

“Oh, he’d better,” Vanderwood threatens, glancing out the door at Saeyoung. “If he doesn’t, you really will be missing him.” Saeran smiles as Vanderwood rubs at his temples, as if he’s already annoyed at dealing with the redhead. “Anyway,” he continues with a sigh, “I’ll see you later.”

“See you,” Saeran responds, and then Vanderwood’s out the door with a parting wave.

Once he’s alone, Saeran sighs. He glances around the bunker’s living room, debating on how to spend the rest of his afternoon now that his brother was gone. The first few hours of being left alone were always the most enjoyable. He and his brother may have reconciled - and despite his inability to voice it, Saeran did love Saeyoung - but they were still very different people, and it was still exhausting for someone as withdrawn as Saeran to spend so much of his time with someone as extraverted as Saeyoung. 

Those first few hours gave him the time he so desperately needed to relax, unwind, clear his mind, and enjoy his alone time in peace and quiet. He’d spend some time reading, spend some time on the computer - either researching miscellaneous topics that piqued his interest or playing games with Yoosung - and some time he spent outside in the small garden he and Saeyoung had built together, tending to the flowers. Regardless of how he spent his time winding down from the overstimulation of Saeyoung’s constant company, one thing never changed: after those first few hours alone, it stopped being enjoyable.

The silence that started out as peaceful would grow to be deafening. The solitude that had relaxed him would start to consume him. Once his mind had been fully cleared of Saeyoung’s noise and chatter, it made room for other, darker thoughts. He could spend days isolated in his bedroom while Saeyoung was home and feel at peace the whole time, but mere hours with Saeyoung out of the house made anxiety crawl up his spine like a parasitic insect, reminding him of all the years he’d spent alone, neglected, abandoned.

Isolating oneself was entirely different from being left alone.

Normally, when the silence started to get too loud, he would try to drown it out with other noise. That was when he’d turn to the television, flipping on a show or a movie that he may or may not actually end up watching, or to music, plugging in his headphones and pacing around the bunker, just for the sake of keeping himself distracted. 

On this particular day, he has a more concrete plan. When his anxiety starts to flare up, the silence of the bunker whispering to him that _Saeyoung isn’t coming back, this is just like when they were kids, he’s just been abandoned all over again,_ Saeran makes his way into the bathroom and digs through the cabinet underneath the sink, looking for the box he’d hidden there weeks ago, specifically waiting for the next time Saeyoung left him alone. He opens the music app on his phone and selects the playlist filled with cheesy, feel-good bops that Saeyoung had made for him, turning the volume all the way up and setting his phone well out of the way of the mess he’s about to make.

Saeran rips into the box, slips on the vinyl gloves, opens the bottles and mixes the chemicals together. He takes one last, long look in the mirror, saying goodbye to his bleached locks before pouring himself a palm full of the bright red dye. He takes his time massaging the dye through his hair, making sure he does a more thorough job with the dye than he had with the bleach. It was a gift, of sorts, to his brother; a gesture to show Saeyoung all the things Saeran still couldn’t manage to put into words. Saeran knew that to most, it would seem only a simple thing to dye his hair back to its natural hue - especially now that his roots had grown in for so long - but Saeyoung would _know_. Every ounce of remorse, forgiveness, appreciation, and love he felt toward his brother was being put on display, through him taking the first step to restore their previously identical appearances.

So Saeran reminded himself, over and over, while he applied the dye, and while the color developed, and while he washed the dye from his hair, of how happy Saeyoung would be when he came home and saw it. He repeated it like a mantra in his mind, as if trying to will it into existence.

_Saeyoung will be so unbearably excited when he comes home and sees my hair._

_Saeyoung will come home and see my hair._

_Saeyoung will come home._

For the most part, his plan works. It gives him something positive to look forward to, instead of dreading all the negative possibilities that his mind provided him with. It makes the twilight hours of the day more bearable on his own. The twilight hours, however, were far from the worst part of being alone.

Nighttime is always the most difficult time for Saeran, even when Saeyoung is there with him, but it’s especially hard when he’s gone. Saeyoung always says that humans naturally get sentimental at night, and as silly as it sounds, Saeran can’t help but wonder if he’s right. There’s something about the darkness that makes it harder for him to talk himself out of his episodes; something about the moonlight seems to send the difficulty level of achieving logical thought through the roof.

The first time Saeyoung had left him alone overnight had been particularly bad.

It hadn’t been a surprise. They’d been planning it for weeks; Saeyoung wanted to make sure Saeran was completely ready to be left alone before they even tried it, and Saeran had thought he had been. He’d been looking forward to the alone time, just as much as Saeyoung had undoubtedly been looking forward to spending the night alone with MC. He hadn’t expected the way his anxiety would wax as the sunlight waned, and had no way to prepare himself for the dark turn his thoughts would take. Before he knew it he was hyperventilating, panic ripping through his chest, his mind screaming that Saeyoung had been lying about only spending one night away, insisting that he was really taking MC and leaving forever, leaving Saeran behind. 

Saeran knew, even back then, that all he needed to do was call Saeyoung, and he would undoubtedly come rushing home upon hearing the state Saeran was in. But it had been so long that Saeyoung had been taking care of him, so many months spent catering to his sickly brother, so little time to spend with his new fiancee, that if they really were just having a quiet night alone together, Saeran would feel far too guilty interrupting that and demanding more of Saeyoung’s time. And, logically, Saeran did know that was the case - but panic attacks don’t listen to logic, and knowing that the thing you're anxious about is unrealistic, is rarely enough to stop you from being anxious about it.

Eventually, Saeran had found himself in Saeyoung’s room. Being surrounded by Saeyoung’s possessions, seeing the bedroom look exactly as it did when Saeyoung was home, was the only thing that had finally calmed him, helped him assure himself that Saeyoung wouldn’t really leave everything he owned behind. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep in Saeyoung’s bed that time, but it had helped out immeasurably. He slept soundly through the night, not waking until mid morning, at which point he realized where he was and scurried back to his own room before Saeyoung could come home, catch him, and hold it over his head for the rest of their lives.

After that, however, it became a habit. He’d always try to handle his anxiety on his own, but it would inevitably become too much to handle. The mental security offered by Saeyoung’s room always chased his loneliness away, and eventually he resigned himself to sleeping in his twin’s bed whenever the other wasn’t home for the night. 

In that regard, this night is no different than the rest. His anxiety over being left alone isn't nearly as bad as it used to be, but it's still comforting to surround himself with Saeyoung’s things when he isn’t around. When his freshly dyed hair is fully dry, Saeran changes into his pajamas and lets himself into Saeyoung’s room. He settles into bed, and falls asleep quickly, nothing seeming to be out of the ordinary.

What he hadn’t been counting on, however, was MC not knowing that Saeyoung wasn’t home. 

He’s been asleep for a few hours already when she silently lets herself into the bunker, intent on giving her fiance a late night surprise. MC opens Saeyoung’s bedroom door, sees the mess of red hair on his pillow, and grins to herself as she creeps across the room, toward the bed. As quietly as she can, she peels back the sheets and slips into the bed, cozying up against the back of the man she thinks is her boyfriend and wrapping her arms around his waist. Saeran stirs, rolling toward her, but not quite awake. 

MC leans in and presses a kiss to the side of his neck, seductively whispering, “Surprise, Saeyoung~” into his ear.

Saeran opens his eyes groggily, confused, and that’s when MC first sees his distinctly _not_ -yellow irises, her own eyes widening in surprise. The sight of his brother’s fiancee mere inches from his face startles Saeran awake, and he jerks away. As he does, the moonlight catches his eyes in a way that makes them seem to glow, and MC can’t help but shriek at the sight, lurching back and accidentally tumbling over the edge of the bed.

Saeran scrambles to the side of the bed on hands and knees, calling her name as he leans over the edge to check on her. When he confirms that she’s alright, he asks, “What are you doing here?”

“Saeran?” she calls back, just as confused, her cheeks heating in embarrassment at what she had done. “What are _you_ doing here?”

“I _live_ here,” Saeran reminds, prompting MC to look around the room, ensuring that she had actually come into Saeyoung's room and not Saeran's. 

“This is Saeyoung's room!” she cries, once she's verified that that is, indeed, the case. “I thought you were Saeyoung!”

Saeran opens his mouth to respond, then pauses, realizing he's been caught sleeping in his brother’s bed. “Oh,” he responds simply, sitting back down on the bed. “Saeyoung is staying with Vanderwood for a few days. He’s helping him work on something."

“Okay…” MC replies slowly, standing back up and looking down at Saeran with furrowed brows. “That doesn't explain why you're in his room, though.” 

Saeran pointedly looks anywhere except at MC.

“I… I get. Lonely,” he admits haltingly, wrapping his arms around his own waist and continuing to look away from her. “Being alone at night is… hard. Sometimes.”

“Saeran...” MC says his name tenderly as she sits down next to him on the bed, setting a gentle hand on his shoulder. He finally looks over at her, and she wears a warm smile. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. It's perfectly normal to get lonely, especially since you and Saeyoung spend so much time together. But I hope you know he’s not all you have.”

Saeran cocks his head to the side. “What do you mean?” he asks. 

MC grins widely, wrapping her arm around his shoulders in a one-sided hug and squeezing him tight. “You've got an annoying older sister now to go along with your annoying brother, and you can call her whenever you're feeling lonely!” Saeran rolls his eyes at the display, but his lips curve up in a smile. MC laughs at his small smile, releasing him from her hold. “And you have the rest of the RFA too. They all care about you, not just me and Saeyoung.”

Saeran nods. He knows this, logically, but after so many years of neglecting his own mental wellbeing, and having his mental wellbeing ignored, reaching out is still something foreign and difficult for him. “Thank you,” he mumbles.

MC sighs, reaching into her pocket and pulling out her phone. “Now, I have to call Saeyoung and tell him how this happened.” She peers over her phone at Saeran, raising an eyebrow. “When did you dye your hair, anyway?”

Saeran looks away, embarrassed again. “This afternoon,” he admits. “After Saeyoung left. It was… supposed to be a surprise for him. When he got back.”

“Awww,” MC coos, pinching Saeran’s cheek. Saeran swats her hand away. “Well I'm sorry I'll have to ruin your surprise, but I can't wait a few days to admit to my fiance that I got into bed with his brother.”

“I understand,” Saeran says. He flops down and rolls back into his sleeping position on the bed, planning on trying to get back to sleep after MC leaves… Except MC doesn't leave. She sits at the edge of the bed, breathing deeply as she dials Saeyoung’s number. She taps the speaker icon, and Saeyoung picks up shortly after. 

“Hey, honey,” Saeyoung’s voice sing-songs, clearly tired. “What’s wrong? It’s late.”

“I’m at the bunker with Saeran,” MC starts, glancing over her shoulder at the aforementioned twin. “Don’t worry, nothing happened, we’re both fine. I mean - something happened, but we’re safe. It’s just that - I screwed up.” 

Saeran watches as MC runs the fingers of her empty hand through her hair anxiously, and decides to speak up. “It’s not entirely her fault,” he calls in the direction of the phone.

“Okay… what happened?” Saeyoung asks slowly. MC lets out a sigh, trying to find the words. 

“I dyed my hair,” Saeran provides, to kick off the story. With one last deep breath, MC takes over.

“I came over to surprise you. I didn’t realize you wouldn’t be here. And Saeran was in your bed, and I didn’t realize he had dyed his hair, and, I’m so sorry- I didn't realize it wasn’t you.” Her words tumble out too quickly, her nerves causing them to spill over each other. Saeran can feel Saeyoung’s anxiety growing even through the phone line, so he quickly pipes up in her defense again. 

“Don’t worry, we realized it as soon as I woke up.”

“But I cuddled all up against him, and I kissed his neck.” MC sounds more and more upset the more she talks, so Saeran sits up behind her and reaches out one hand to rub her back soothingly. “I’m sorry, Saeyoung, I'm so, so sorry, but I swear I didn’t know it wasn’t you.”

Saeyoung takes a deep breath, then lets it out in a soft chuckle. “It sounds like it was just a misunderstanding, babe,” he says soothingly, but they can both hear the uneasiness in his voice. “That’s all it was… right?”

“Yes!” Both MC and Saeran respond emphatically. 

“I swear, I didn’t know, I would never do that to you - to us.” MC cuts herself off with a gasp, turning back around to face Saeran.

“Oh, Saeran, I didn’t even apologize to you!” she exclaims suddenly, distress ringing in her voice. “I was all over you against your will and I didn’t even think to say sorry! I was just so shocked…”

“It’s okay,” Saeran assures her. “You had no way of knowing it was me. I’m… sorry for causing confusion.”

Suddenly, Saeyoung laughs from the other end of the phone, and both Saeran and MC turn their attention back to the device.

“Don’t leave me out of the blame game,” Saeyoung teases, his normal tone back to his voice. “I should have warned you I wouldn’t be home for a few days. But I had no way of knowing you’d sneak into my bed, you naughty girl! Just like Saeran had no way of knowing that either, and you had no way of knowing Saeran would be in my bed, or that he’d dyed his hair. Speaking of which, awwwww, bro~!”

Saeran rolls his eyes as Saeyoung’s voice coos at him through the phone, and MC giggles at her fiance’s antics. 

“So you’re not mad at me, Saeyoung?” she asks, still unsure.

“It was just an accident, baby. I would never be mad at you for an accident!” Saeyoung declares, and Saeran can see MC’s frame visibly relax. Saeyoung’s voice softens. “Besides, you told me right away, and I can tell you didn't mean it by how upset you sound.” He takes a pause, then goes straight back to teasing mode. “I’m jealous for sure, though, and you’re gonna have to make it up to me when I get home! You’ll have to show me exactly what you planned to do when you snuck into my bed, you dirty girl~”

“Saeyoung!” MC half-heartedly protests, a blush rising on her cheeks as her eyes flick over to Saeran, still listening. Saeran averts his eyes out of respect.

“If it makes you feel any better, when she realized it was me she bolted back so fast she fell off the bed,” Saeran quips, causing MC to blush even further. “I’m pretty sure she screamed.”

“Saeran!” she scolds, while Saeran smirks at her.

“Oh no! Did my sweetheart hurt herself?” Saeyoung asks dramatically, and MC pouts.

“No, I’m fine,” she says to the phone, then turns toward Saeran and explains, “And it wasn’t _just_ the fact that it was you! The way the light hit your eyes made them glow weird! I thought you might be an alien or a skinwalker or something!”

There are a few moments of silence, before Saeran finally snorts out a laugh, and that one little sound sends Saeyoung into a raucous peal of laughter. 

“What?” MC asks, her cheeks burning. Saeran shakes his head, looking down at the bed as he continues to chuckle softly.

“My brother, the alien!” Saeyoung declares between fits of laughter, before letting out a terribly faked scream, reminiscent of old horror movies.

“A skinwalker,” Saeran comments disbelievingly, scoffing as he looks back up at MC. “You’re certainly my brother’s girl.”

“You’re damn right she is!” Saeyoung declares loudly, before falling back into another round of laughter.

“Okay! Enough out of both of you!” MC shouts suddenly, startling both twins into silence. “Saeran, back to your room. Saeyoung, your bed is mine until further notice. You can have the couch when you come home.”

“B-babe!” Saeyoung protests. “I love you! Don’t banish me to the cold, unfeeling couch! My lonely bones can’t take it!”

“Sounds fair to me,” Saeran says with a shrug. He stands from the bed, stretching his arms over his head. 

“Goodnight, Saeyoung,” MC calls sweetly, as if she didn’t just delegate him to the doghouse. “I love you~”

Saeran pauses on his way out of the room, turning back to MC before she can end the call. “Hey, wait,” he says, holding out his hand and nodding toward the phone.

“Here, Saeran wants to talk to you first,” MC says, handing the phone over to him.

Saeran holds her phone awkwardly, not used to talking on speaker phone, and voices the question that had been bothering him for the duration of the call. “You didn’t seem all that surprised that I was sleeping in your bed.”

“Oh, I knew you’d been doing that,” Saeyoung comments offhandedly. “I probably should have warned MC about that, too…” MC cocks her head to the side, and Saeran’s brows furrow. 

“You knew?” he asks.

“Saeran, there are cameras all over my room,” Saeyoung answers with a laugh. “All over the bunker, honestly. I see and know all that happens in my domain!” He trails off with a melodramatic laugh, at which Saeran rolls his eyes. “Oh, except in your room. I had those uninstalled when you moved in. So you didn’t feel like you didn’t have any privacy.”

Saeran is quiet for a moment, thinking of all the panic attacks he’d had in the bunker while Saeyoung was gone. Saeyoung had seen all of those? All of a sudden, the way he always fussed over Saeran so much before he left overnight started to make a lot more sense.

“You never said anything,” Saeran says, confused. He had always thought that if his brother knew how he coped with his absence, he’d never let him live it down. Saeyoung takes a moment to reply, and when he does, his voice is soft.

“I knew you’d be embarrassed if I brought it up. I could tell it made you feel better, and I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to stop.”

Saeran sees MC smiling warmly at him out of the corner of his eye, and he suddenly feels very exposed. He turns away from her.

“Thank you, Saeyoung,” he says softly, smiling to himself. “Goodnight.”

After he hangs up the phone and hands it back to MC, Saeran tries to retreat from the room quickly. Before he reaches the door, MC says, “I know he shows it in strange ways sometimes, but he loves you so much.”

Saeran pauses with his hand on the doorknob. He takes a deep breath. “I know.”

“He’s so proud of you. Of how far you’ve come. And I am too.”

Saeran can hear the smile in her voice without having to look at her. He turns back toward her anyway. “Thank you… sis.”

Her face lights up, but she forces herself not to embarrass him any further by making a big deal out of it. Instead she just says, “Goodnight, lil bro.”

Saeran pads down the quiet, dark hallway toward his own room, and although he’s still alone when he curls up in his own bed, he doesn't feel quite so lonely anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed! If so, drop a comment and let me know! This was inspired by a message a friend sent on tumblr, and the idea was so funny I just had to write it... although I did make it a little less comedic and a little more fluffy than she probably intended, lol. But it was super fun to write, and made me very happy, so I hope it makes a couple of you guys happy too~
> 
> If you're on tumblr, feel free to hit me up @magefeathered ;)) have a great day~


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